I awoke this morning and rolled over wondering if my recent indifference towards everything should be cause for concern.
Cellular Existence
It is inexplicable. Unfathomable. An atrocity. Quite possibly the worst event that has befallen me in the past month. The event that has occurred is not something involving mortality. It does not involve extreme, irrational companionship. Nor is it something involving finances. Nothing has ceased to exist, function, or love. The event in question, however, is the loss of my handheld cellular telephone. Now please, do not misunderstand me. I am quite aware that the fact that THIS is the worst thing to happen to me in quite some time, is grounds for… well punching me square in the face. Some would say, “You spoiled little bitch! There are people starving all over the planet! And you are worried about a PHONE?” Well to put it simply, YES. I am worried about a phone. Inevitably, I am a product of my environment. And as such, I am highly dependent and reliant on certain amenities. As I requested before, please do not misunderstand. I have existed with next to nothing. I have slept in my car, been evicted from an apartment, given away very near to all of my possessions. And, on the other end of the spectrum, I have lived extremely comfortably, in high rise apartments in some of the most incredible cities in the world. My point is, I am not completely void of life experience. I by no means have breached upon everything that life has to offer OR dish out, but I am not incredibly sheltered. As we reach the end of my little rant, the point I am trying to make is, I have been raised in a society where the lack of a cell phone is equivalent to being a social pariah and/or a child. People strive daily in meaningless, mindless employment in order to hand over a substantial amount of their paycheck in order to finance these little technological miracles. For me in particular, my phone is not only a telephone. It is an alarm clock, a calendar, a radio, a computer, a camera. It is my lifeline. It connects me to the people I love in this world, whether they be 5 or 6000 miles away. It ensures that I will not get lost when I am driving. That I will never be stranded, or alone. It provides me with respectable restaurant options, and movie show times. In short, in one little 2 1/2” x 5” package it bestows unto me every single thing I could possibly need to continue the incredibly comfortable existence that I have grown to love and expect. Shit… maybe I am a spoiled little bitch…. I need my phone.
‘I know what you’re thinking about, ‘but it isn’t so, nohow.’
‘Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn’t, it ain’t.
That’s logic.’
Do you know what’s so terrifying about being young and alone? Most every story you hear about a young person passing, they are alone. Old people expect it, hear of it, are waiting for it even. And in this time before death, people tend to gather and let said person know just how much they love them. But when you are young, your death is always “untimely”“tragic”“completely unexpected”. Doesnt leave much time to call in the troops. This leaves you to die alone. And if that isn’t one of the most terrifying things I have ever heard in my entire life, then I don’t know what is.
Deciding on the right thing to do in a situation is a bit like deciding on the right thing to wear to a party. It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier. The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things and wearing ugly clothing.
Most people she never tells about the tightrope, because she doesn’t want to listen to their helpful comments from the ground.
Prior to the alarm….
I enjoy waking up prior to the teeth-clenching blare of my alarm. Not only does it spare me the initial shock of being jolted abruptly out of sleep, but in a world where I fear I will never mature into adulthood, it gives me the tiniest glimmer of hope that in some minuscule ways, I am, in fact, beginning to grow up.
Even if it meant that she had failed, she was glad. And if what she’d wanted had been impossible from the start, still, there was a certain lonely comfort in the fact that she’d known it was impossible and had gone ahead and done it anyway.
There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don’t go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever.
Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not escape from them. And yet what a subtle magic there was in them! They seemed to be able to give a plastic form to formless things, and to have a music of their own as sweet as that of a viol or of lute. Mere words! Was there anything so real as words?
Reblogged from ocean limbs
And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.
Reblogged from ways to feel forgotten
“She had always wanted words, she loved them; grew up on them. Words gave her clarity, brought reason, shape.”
Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.
Reblogged from Dear Emma,
